It was with some trepidation -- and just a little mischief -- that we pondered what response this query might generate from the members of Australia’s mild-mannered CIO community.
The pool of available talent CIOs had to choose from seemed limited this time not by a budget, but only their imagination.
But who did the CIOs choose to recruit?
Superhero crime fighters such as Batman, Lara Croft or Captain America?
Or superstar criminals such as Darth Vader, Freddy Krueger or Tony Soprano?
None of the above, as it transpires.
Why hire a do-gooder in a bodysuit or a psychopathic mob boss when you can have. . .
1. Dirty Harry
“I would like Dirty Harry as my User Liaison Officer,” says the devilish Robin Beauchamp, Director, Technology and Development at Payment Advisor.
Beauchamp closes his eyes and dreams the following scene saying, “It would give me immense pleasure”:
His marketing manager (MM) fires off the latest in a long line of change request e-mails to a tortured Web designer. On receipt of the e-mail, the designer groans loudly enough for Harry to hear. San Francisco’s not-so-finest cop ambles over and asks the Web designer to share his pain.
Fraught with woe, he tells Harry the MM has changed the page layout more times than he can remember. We best let Beauchamp pick up the story from here.
“Harry strides purposefully from the room, removes the pistol from his holster, and kicks open the MM’s office door. The MM looks up from his desk, stunned, as my new User Liaison Officer levels the gun at his forehead and says:
“This here’s a 44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. It would blow your head clean off. Now tell me punk, how many times have you changed your intranet layout? Is it five? Or is it six? Because if it’s six, this ain't your lucky day!”
2. The Incredible Hulk
Dematic CIO Allan Davies is not a violent man. But he’s happy to use the threat of violence as part of his workplace relations arsenal.
“I’d hire the Incredible Hulk so users can finally understand how frustrating they can be at times,” says Davies, twitching and flexing his ample biceps. “Seeing an IT guy’s patience finally give over to the Hulk transformation would be precious.”
If you like this story, be sure to check out the other articles in CIO's "Numbers. . . " series, like
The 7 Quickest Ways for a CIO to Become Boardroom Roadkill
7 Favourite Pieces of Personal Technology for CIOs
6 Things That Should Be in the CFO's Budget -- Not Mine!
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