9. Don't present your current salary/position as a problem. If you begin the conversation with a litany of complaints — you can't support your family on what you're making; you've been working for three years without a significant raise; the cost of living in your area has gone way up — you are not being emotionally neutral and your boss will immediately start making assumptions about you and your attitude. Instead of presenting your current salary woes as a problem, present yourself as a solution to a number of the company's current and future challenges. Your boss will come to see that she can't afford not to give you a raise.

10. Don't give an ultimatum. Never threaten or posture with another offer or a take-it-or-leave-it stance. Don't put your boss on the defensive. Put her at ease. Use a calm slow voice and negotiate without any need. You may want a raise, but you'll benefit yourself more by having the attitude that you don't need it. Treat the negotiation as a conversation in which you are interested in hearing about her problems so that you can solve them. Understanding the difference between want and need will give you the edge in any negotiation. You will be amazed at how your spoken and implied invitation to her to say no will help her give you what you want.

Being calm, staying in the moment, controlling your emotions, asking pointed questions and listening carefully to your boss's responses will help you stay focused on what you can control in any negotiation — your behaviour and actions. The above tips will help you avoid the worst mistakes most amateur negotiators make, and you'll be more likely to get the best possible deal in your next negotiation.

Jim Camp is a negotiation coach and trainer and the author of NO: The Only Negotiating Strategy You Need for Work and Home (Crown), the revised and updated version of his critically acclaimed business book, Start with No. As president and founder of The Jim Camp Group, he has coached individuals, companies, and governments worldwide through hundreds of negotiations. His clients include Motorola, Texas Instruments, Merrill Lynch, IBM and Prudential Insurance.