The final mistake - surely the death knell for an approach that was already on life support - was sticking to the PowerPoint deck once the boss volleyed an opening salvo, challenging the first word on the first chart. It was as if he held up a red neon sign that read: "I hate this topic. I hate your approach. And I am starting to hate you." To which I responded: "Yeah, I know, but look at the chart on page 3."

It's my hope that this column serves as a reminder of what we already know: Persuasion is a process that starts with credibility. Credibility comes from listening to people to understand them and respect their points of view. You must address both sides of persuasion by spending as much time on the negotiation and learning process as you would on the content of your solution. If you do so, you will spend less time with your computer and more time with people, listening to their views.

Reader Q&A

Q: I did the same thing recently while pitching to a venture capitalist for an investment. My similar mistake was assuming that his partner's excitement about our company would be instantly transferred to him. This lesson is timeless and should not be forgotten. Human beings live in this digital world, and we all gravitate to people we like and respect, in that order. You proceed at your own peril when you forget to establish the relationship and credibility up front.

A: Hopefully, you have an opportunity to get up to bat again. After my disastrous meeting, I sent an apology letter and have since smoothed over the situation.

Q: I am having a lunch meeting with three executives as part of a daylong interview process. I'm taking your advice to heart about the soft side of persuasion. Do you have any additional words of wisdom concerning "selling" in an interview situation?

A: Read the book Don't Send a Resume: And Other Contrarian Rules to Help Land a Great Job (Hyperion 2001) by Jeffrey Fox. He underscores the value of doing your research, preparing a list of great questions and listening to identify the value proposition that you can address with your skills. If you start with effective enquiry, you can transition to advocacy once you know what issues or opportunities are important to your audience.

Q: Your point as I understand it is that the meeting failed because you and your client did not gather sufficient information about the boss's needs prior to the meeting, and the proposed solution was way off target as a result. I doubt that a reasonable boss who is looking for the ideal solution for his company's needs would turn you down just because he did not know you before the presentation. I am sure there are such bosses, though, and I think they are a problem for the companies they work for.

A: Think back to the last time you tried to buy a car, a computer or manage a complicated health situation. People have proven time and time again that they will stop listening to people they don't like or who aren't listening to them - regardless of the suitability of the product or idea.

Susan Cramm is founder and president of Valuedance, a California-based executive coaching firm