Finally, you need to learn how to understand and serve the needs of others in order to find the win-win solutions that define effective collaboration. To do so, you will need to:

Understand your stakeholders. Understand the motivators of key stakeholders by discovering their current objectives, concerns and longer-term goals. Determine how to collaborate effectively by understanding their communication, decision making, and conflict management styles using tools such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

Listen more empathetically. When people are emotional, they need to be heard. People hate know-it-alls who spout off with advice-giving statements that start with "you should . . . ", "you ought . . . ", "what about . . . ". When approached with an issue, respond by reflecting the content and emotion of the other party two times (for example, "I bet that it was frustrating when you had worked so hard . . . ") before asking "when", "what", "how" type questions to understand the situation further. Avoid using "why" questions because they put others on the defensive. If conversations get heated, take a break and reconvene later — in person if possible.

Uncover underlying rationale. People have a tendency to advocate their point of view ("We should use this vendor") without providing the underlying rationale regarding information and interpretations — particularly when they are emotional. Don't counter with your own advocacy statements ("The current system can be enhanced . . . "). Instead, use enquiry to understand their how they reached their conclusions (for example, "What do the customers think?" "What are the key issues?" "How will we measure success?"). Shift into productive advocacy once you have all the facts by presenting your recommendation and underlying rationale, and inviting comments or critiques ("What am I missing here?").

Apply the psychology of persuasion. In a Harvard Business Review article entitled "Harnessing the Science of Persuasion", Robert Cialdini outlines six psychological principles that can help strengthen relationships and tip the scales in your favour. The principle of reciprocity, for example, discusses how important it is to give what you want to receive. Although "Do unto others" is hardly a new concept, what's interesting is the fact that you will compel others to repay in kind if, and only if, you give something unexpected and relevant and respond to their gratitude by saying: "I'm sure you would do the same for me" rather than the more typical response: "No problem" or "My pleasure." The remaining principles include liking, social proof, consistency, authority and scarcity, and they are useful to any leader, regardless of the circumstances.

My clients, like most executives in similar circumstances, are having trouble getting off first base because of the ego hit involved with taking accountability for their actions and asking others for help. Ultimately they will be successful because they understand that is it impossible to move on without staying put and delivering against the acid test of turning around negative impressions.