How 3 year olds consume media: the new shock report

Yesterday everyone was reporting the startling report by 15-year-old Morgan Stanley intern Matthew Robson, which stated that today's teenagers don't use Twitter, prefer Walkmans to Apple iPhones (and PCs to Macs), and choose to pirate PC games than buy a console.

As 15 years old is practically adult I determined to discover what real kids do with today's multi-platform media. So I asked my three-year-old daughter to write her own report on how today's nursery/kindergarten kids consume media.

How 3 year olds consume the internet

I didn't even know what the internet was until my Daddy explained it to me - and I still have no idea what it is. I have a toy net that I play with in the bath, to catch fish, ducks, an octopus and a turtle. I'm quite into that net.

Unlike the big boy [15-year-old Robson] I do use Twitter. You can read my tweets at @lexijary. Tweets is a really cute word, isn't it?

I have made 29 tweets, have 16 followers and am following 8 people (although one is a TV station). Daddy tells me that that is quite a good follower/following ratio.

I don't tweet too much as it is 140 characters - that's a lot of writing! Especially as I only really know the letters X, O, M, L, E and i.

I tweet with another girl I have never met. We write about how much we hate trousers. Skirts and dresses rule!

I do love books, although Daddy has to read them to me. But I haven't got Facebook. I prefer the Gruffalo.

YouTube? No idea, but I do have a loo tube [empty toilet roll tube] that I shout "Ahoy!" through!

How 3 year olds consume music

I can sing lots of tunes. Twinkle Twinkle is a favourite. And Baa Baa Pink Sheep [politically correct lyrics to Baa Baa Black Sheep, as demanded by nursery staff], which has a secret second verse that all adults forget as soon as they're not children any more.

Daddy and Mummy both have iPods. In fact Daddy has quite a few. Sometime they let me listen to it but the headphones keep falling off my ears!

How 3 year olds consume radio

I can switch on my Mummy's DAB radio alarm clock. It plays cool music! And sometimes Mummy and Daddy wake up to REALLY loud cool music after I have been playing with it!

How 3 year olds consume television

Now you're talking! When Daddy has finished his cup of tea in the morning he switches off the News (boring except when it has animals on it!) and I can watch my favourite programmes, such as Peppa Pig, Humf, Yo Gabba Gabba and Lazytown.

In the evenings before bed I can watch two episodes of Charlie and Lola - my favouritist telly programme in the whole wide world!

How 3 year olds consume newspapers

When I have finished drawing on my paper, I need some new paper - which I can start a new picture on.

How 3 year olds consume games

My favourite game is Pretending, which I play with my friends Sienna, Charlotte and Gracie. One of us is the baby and the others have to change our nappies and stop us crying. Do the swings and the slide count as games?

How 3 year olds consume directories

These sound very boring. So no thanks!

How 3 year olds consume viral/outdoor marketing

When someone at nursery gets a virus they put a big note on the door. I've already had chicken pox so I'm ok. If you stay outdoors too long in the cold or rain you can also get a cold.

How 3 year olds consume cinema

I have never been to the cinema - and neither have my Mummy or Daddy since I was born.

I have seen Toy Story, though, and Finding Nemo. And Madagascar 2, which I saw on the aeroplane.

3 year olds and tech devices

How 3 year olds use mobile phones

My Daddy has had an iPhone since they first came out, and I put stickers on it. He still has the old one and Mummy has a really new one, which makes Daddy rather sad.

I can switch on the iPhone (Daddy's as I'm not allowed anywhere near Mummy's new one!) by sliding the thing at the bottom.

I can go to different screens to play the Bubblewrap game sand Animal Noises apps. I can also flick through all the photos of me that Daddy has on his phone and make them bigger and smaller. I also once sent a text to someone. By mistake.

How 3 year olds use televisions

I can switch the TV on and off, and know how to pause the pictures - and turn the volume up REALLY loud!

How 3 year olds use computers

Mummy and Daddy keep the computer in the loft, where I'm not allowed because the stairs are dangerous. Sometime they let me play with it. It has a mouse! Squeak Squeak!

How 3 year olds use games consoles

Mummy and Daddy console me when I cry if I can't play games all day.