Critical.
Authoritative.
Strategic.
Subscribe to CIO Magazine »

Blog: 10 Things I Hate About Tech

Sure, spyware, spam and wireless routers that have the lifespan of a mosquito annoy us all. But what do we really hate about technology? Here's my current top 10 list:

1. People Who Talk on Smartphones 24/7. One would think that I'd be over this by now. No, I'm not. It's 2009, people! You're not cool or special just because you can talk away on your pink BlackBerry Pearl. You're just like everybody else! Now get back in your Hummer, drive home to your McMansion and watch "Real Housewives of Orange County" on your 100-inch HDTV. Thanks.

2. Cloud Computing. I'm mere days away from spontaneously vomiting every time I hear some tech vendor CEO or industry pundit use this overhyped and nebulous phrase (see Wall Street Journal article for more disgust). Saleforce.com is not helping my cause. Its new corporate tagline: The Enterprise Cloud Computing Company.

3. The Hour or So It Takes to Start a PC. Seriously! Seriously? It's ridiculous how long it takes to start or restart a Windows PC these days. Shouldn't we have improved this by now? I hope President Obama targets this as one of the key inefficiencies dragging down the U.S. economy.

4. Moronic High-Tech Product Names. Listen, I know most of the good names have been taken already (see our list of how 10 of the most famous got their iconic names), but there's got to be something better out there than G1, Yatt'it and Intel Dual Socket Extreme Desktop Platform (thanks to The Pollywog Blog for the ammunition).

5. Twitter. Tweet this: NOBODY REALLY CARES WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW!

6. High-Tech Vendor Press Releases. Too many high-tech PR firms hire entry-level staffers to churn out useless releases that follow the same template: "Type in the date, your company's name and add any combination of these words and/or phrases around your company's product(s) name(s): robust, industry-leading, rich-user experience, nascent, cloud, real-time, first of its kind, flexible, road map, solution, collaboration, mission-critical, green, smart for these tough economic times." Done.

7. Apple. It's so close to jumping the shark that The Fonz is currently warming up his motorcycle and listening to "Happy Days" on his iPod. "Sunday, Monday, Happy Days...."

8. Microsoft Bashing. Yes, you read that right. MS is like a drug that everyone happily takes—quite regularly—but then denies to everyone who'll listen that they actually take their MS Meds. Of course, they gladly tell everyone how much they "hate Microsoft." You love Microsoft. You really, really do.

9. The Laptop Crowd at Starbucks and Panera. Wireless networking technologies have enabled a generation of do-nothings and posers to look busy in coffee shops and restaurants instead of finding themselves all alone in their dark basements.

10. Today's Pandemic of IT Industry Pundits and Blowhards. Thanks to the Internet and pervasive (and free) blogging platforms, everybody and his brother now has the ability to pontificate and unleash ill-formed opinions on Apple, Oracle, Facebook and whatever else in the tech universe that offends their far-superior sensibilities. Get a date, guys. You sound lonely.

Join the CIO Australia group on LinkedIn. The group is open to CIOs, IT Directors, COOs, CTOs and senior IT managers.

More about: Apple, BlackBerry, Brother, Facebook, Intel, Microsoft, Oracle, Pandemic, Socket, Starbucks, Wall Street

Comments

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Users posting comments agree to the CIO comments policy.
Login or register to link comments to your user profile, or you may also post a comment without being logged in.
Related Coverage
Related Whitepapers
Latest Stories
Community Comments
Tags: Apple, hate technology, high-tech, laptop, Microsoft, Panera, salesforce.com, smartphone, starbucks, twitter
Latest Blog Posts
Whitepapers
  • Developing an Information Strategy - Strategize, Align, Govern, Execute, and Optimize
    An information strategy defines how a company will use the data it collects to achieve a competitive advantage. It is a comprehensive, constantly evolving plan that encompasses five distinct actions. In this white paper we explore how these five vital actions, as well as the technologies that enable and support them, can help organizations develop an effective and broad-reaching information strategy that drives positive change.
    Learn more »
  • 10 Mobile Security Requirements for the Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) Enterprise
    An enterprise mobility strategy needs to include more than the provisioning and security services available through mobile application and MDM solutions. To meet the mobility and security requirements of mobile users, enterprises need to look at deploying a solution for mobile content management (MCM) that supports BYOD policies. Read this whitepaper to learn: Why provisioning for mobile users has become more complex; Ten requirements to consider when selecting a mobile content security solution.
    Learn more »
  • Optimizing Storage and Protecting Data with Oracle Database 11g
    This paper focuses on key Oracle Database 11g capabilities that help IT departments better optimise their storage infrastructure, enabling administrators to deliver a cost-effective, scalable data management platform that is easy to manage, reduces costs, and protects data while continuing to deliver the performance and availability that today’s businesses require.
    Learn more »
All whitepapers
rhs_login_lockGet exclusive access to Invitation only events CIO, reports & analysis.
Recent comments